Monday, November 9, 2009


Hey Everyone,

So the last few days were good. Kat has been eating which takes a lot of stress off me. 

However, yesterday was interesting...

Yesterday I went to the park with Kat; we sat under the playground hugging and kissing for hours, literally. 

Then it happened, I found out that Kat was planning on starting a five day fast. When i found out she assured me that it probably would not last for all five days. She told me that she probably would eat the next day. So instead of me just leaving it alone like i should have, i had her come over to hang out and hopefully to eat dinner. There goes the perfect afternoon. She came over we played some video games; all  the while she was trying to figure out a way to leave. 

Of course, my mother then walked into the room and said that Kat had to leave. My heart sunk. I didn't get to see her eat, and make sure she didn't purge afterwards. On retrospect i kick myself for doing that. That is not what i should have done in that situation. Oh well whats done is done. She left.

When i talked to her on the phone she told me she ate dinner. I was overjoyed, and then i realized that i was selfish. I felt really bad; I didn't want her to eat just because i told her too; I wanted her to eat because she wanted too. I apologized; she said that it was not just because i wanted her too that she ate. I felt a little bit better but i still knew that I should never do that again.

I dreamed about her. About how much I love her; and how i never want to put her in that situation again. I loved the first half of the day. That is what i am focusing on. That is what is fueling me. Our love of each other. That is what makes it all worth while.

Thanks for all the comments

Talk to you later,


  1. I am truly touched by the kindness and obvious care and love you have for Kat, she really deserves someone like you. It is very interesting to see an eating disorder from the perspective of someone it hurts aside from ourselves, please keep writing!!

  2. You are a wonderful person. So many people in your position think that placing people in awkward situations to make them eat is the answer, but you know that will never truly get her into true recovery.

    I hope I can one day meet someone as caring and understanding as you.

  3. It's amazing how strong your being for her, my boyfriend can't handle it, he doesn't even know half of what I do/feel sometimes.
    I also love reading your blogs, it's interesting to see the other side of things!

  4. Yesterday was rough :/ I'm sorry I put you through that, it was partly my fault. You're wonderful. Keep writing. :)


  5. i think you are exactly what she needs right now. honestly, i think her having someone like you may help her recover, very very slowly, but i believe she will recover. You should make a deal with her. If she eats a decent meal, you and her could go work out together, and do couple sit ups. u face eachother and everything u sit up u kiss. at 10 u hold it and kiss for ten seconds.

  6. my girlfriend told me that if she ever found out i had an eating disorder she would break up with me and make sure i got into rehab. i wish i could tell her what's going on with me because i hate lying to her, but it's better lying than losing her. i wish she was a little more like you, in that she would be trying to help me more than punishing me for the things i've sunken into. keep writing.


  7. i am borderline anorexic (let me clarify - i am anorexic but scared of confrontation so i've gained 4.5 lbs just to make everyone else happy). this is such a beautiful idea... my boyfriend doesn't know how to handle these types of situations, and even my friends judge me. i wish i could be as open with him as kat is with you. please keep blogging! (and add me on xanga if you have one)

  8. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  9. I love someone who recovered from an intense eating disorder which she had battled for almost 20 years. Remind her that she is a good person, and help her substitute positive healthy things for the negative, self-deprecating ones.

    In the end, none of this is about food or weight. It is about control in a life that is otherwise out of control or under someone else's control. Food is something that can be controlled. Show her that she can take control of her life and live it unbound.

    There is a light at the end of the journey, and it is so freeing. I will pray for both of you.