So the last few days were good. Kat has been eating which takes a lot of stress off me.
However, yesterday was interesting...
Yesterday I went to the park with Kat; we sat under the playground hugging and kissing for hours, literally.
Then it happened, I found out that Kat was planning on starting a five day fast. When i found out she assured me that it probably would not last for all five days. She told me that she probably would eat the next day. So instead of me just leaving it alone like i should have, i had her come over to hang out and hopefully to eat dinner. There goes the perfect afternoon. She came over we played some video games; all the while she was trying to figure out a way to leave.
Of course, my mother then walked into the room and said that Kat had to leave. My heart sunk. I didn't get to see her eat, and make sure she didn't purge afterwards. On retrospect i kick myself for doing that. That is not what i should have done in that situation. Oh well whats done is done. She left.
When i talked to her on the phone she told me she ate dinner. I was overjoyed, and then i realized that i was selfish. I felt really bad; I didn't want her to eat just because i told her too; I wanted her to eat because she wanted too. I apologized; she said that it was not just because i wanted her too that she ate. I felt a little bit better but i still knew that I should never do that again.
I dreamed about her. About how much I love her; and how i never want to put her in that situation again. I loved the first half of the day. That is what i am focusing on. That is what is fueling me. Our love of each other. That is what makes it all worth while.