Monday, November 2, 2009

First post

So,


This is my first post on my blog I hope to make it a good one...

I have started this blog in the hopes that someone will benefit from my experiences with dating someone who is anorexic.

To let you all know I am dating Kat; here is her blog: http://proanaquest.blogspot.com/

Kat and I met under some funny circumstances.

Kat had heard about me from some of her friends and I heard about her from some of my friends but we never actually met. Then one day I went to our community pool and my sister, let’s call her Joy. So Joy and I went to the pool and we met up with one of her friends, lets call him Jason. So we swam for a while then we went home. When Dyke went back to his house he told his sister… you guessed it, Kat that he had a great time with Joy and Paul. Kat then said to Jason, “did you just say Paul!?” So the next Sunday at church Kat came up to me and introduced herself saying, “Hey I think you met my brother at our community pool.”

From then on Kat and I were best friends, inseparable it seemed. We went to the pool together and hung out together on a regular basis. We even worked together. Then one Sunday I was told by her friend Alex that she liked me. So the next day we went on our usual walk around the neighborhood. I told Kat what Alex had said and asked her if that was true. She said yes but she never thought that I would want to date her. It took some prodding on her part but eventually it came out that I liked her too. From then on things progressed somewhat normally we were dating.

Little did I know what I was getting myself into…

Well that’s the story of how we met and started dating in my next post ill go into more on the whole anorexic thing. Please leave a comment if you want.

Talk to you soon,

~Paul~

34 comments:

  1. Do you have to call my brother dyke? lol

    I love you so much you dont even know. This is going to be a good blog. :) I have faith in your writing abilities.

    Love,
    Kat

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  2. I'm so glad Kat has someone like you, who loves her and supports her. I follow Kat's blog which is why i read yours.
    It will be interesting to hear a different point of view.
    I'm sure your blog will be a good one!

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  3. wow... this is kind of groundbreaking. i look forward to hearing your perspective.

    i am one of Kat's followers and also have an ED that i am currently trying to recover from. i live with my boyfriend and it is a daily struggle but i know he's with me know matter what.

    good luck... nice to meet you.

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  4. I am so happy someone like you is on blogger now! My boyfriend knows about my ED and i think im going to read ur blogs with my boyfriend, because i really dont know what it is like for him to see me doing this to myself. i also follow kat and i am so glad she has someone like u to help her through this!

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  5. This is a good thing.
    Kat is a great girl, I think.
    I'm interested to hear what you have to say.
    I'm Laura, and I like Kat suffer from an eating disorder.
    Happy writing, Paul!

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  6. Wow, you must love her so much to do this blog. My boyfriend knows about my ED but he just uses it as fuel against me when we fight. I'm going to have to show him this blog once you post more. Thank you for writing this, it must mean a lot to Kat to know how much you love her!

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  7. That is so sweet and touching. You must be an amazing guy. Wow, my heart goes to you.

    With love,

    Lola

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  8. You are very strong and loving! :) Take care of Kat! I actually have a husband I call DH, he has dealt with me & my ED for over 10 years now. He too is loving, but often gets frustrated over my ED., anyways... Happy writing!

    -Emi Jay

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  9. this is getting too personal, i feel like im in everyones underwear drawer. first her, now you, i cant keep up. whos gonna have a blog next, ya'lls cats? then ill have to read about how your lives affect their hairballs and then the fleas will want a blog then the germs on the fleas will want their own blog and then ill just be done with blogs because I'm here for Ana, not anas sisters boyfriends cats fleas amoeba... I don't want perspective from the world, just the people who count. But whatever, no one ever listens to me.......bahhhh!

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  10. and kats not anorexic, she's PROANOREXIC, hence the infamous term PROANA. She is in the process of or is a supporter and contributor to the anorexic lifestyle. its up to you and her what you'd like to label urselves as but in the PROANA community, your not just ana, your ana/mia/ednos and your never allowed to be just one.

    then again, what would you understand? ur neither ANA nor a girl, and your so bent on protecting her from something she perpetuated out of her own feelings about herself. I'm amazed at how often I get dumped because i have "low self esteem" or whatever but your hanging on her like a caught fish.

    I dont know, seems most guys want confidence in someone; us ana's understand love is sometimes put on the shelf for guys when we get past "Looking good" for ya'll, but she wont wait for love and you wont wait till shes better.

    seems to me if you really wanted her better youd cut of romantic ties and just be a friend. Hell if need be go get her a female friend who can understand, someone tough yet suppportive.

    If her being "sick" is making you a stress case I'd re-evaluate both of you guys'priorities and values in any given relationship. you shouldnt have to work harder to "fix" her just as much as a teacher shouldnt do the work of a student...

    and dont take any of this to harshly, just as constructive critisizm. i dont mean to offend but im logistic and less emotional when i solve problems. i try and find the best solution. plus when they send you to therapy for three years you learn more than you want about most people.

    idk, hear everyone out but be aware some people are dumb asses (earlier commenters) and have fluff up their butt and think everything from puggles to baby snot is cute.

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  11. "Anna said...

    Wow, you must love her so much to do this blog. My boyfriend knows about my ED but he just uses it as fuel against me when we fight. I'm going to have to show him this blog once you post more. Thank you for writing this, it must mean a lot to Kat to know how much you love her!"

    UMMMMMM... I'm sure he loves her in other ways besides making blogs, your stupid Anna.
    If someone made a blog about my relationship with them and everyone said "WOW he must love you" I'd say, uh, what about diaries? Or Journals? Thats not a symbol of love that someone talking about their observations and feelings. Like I said, you girls are stupid and If I loved you, any of you, I'd hate you.

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  12. Wow Paul,
    Not only did she share her secret with you, but she slipped you into our community.....
    This is intense. Hope you'll keep not only her secrets, but all of ours as well.....

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  13. Ignore Briana Marie. She does this to everyone.

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  14. Actually for having a mental disorder, Briana Marie seems like the most rational person on here.

    You'll never "save her life" alone Paul. Sorry to burst your bubble but it just doesn't work that way. If you care about her as much as you say you do you will eventually realize that you cannot do this alone, its too deep-rooted and complicated. The only thing that could possibly help her now is professional intervention. But I don't know if you want to expose her like that. It's really up to you.

    And you can't let someone else bring their problems to bear on you. It's doormat behavior. You will eventually come to resent it. She knows that. But you will anyway, because you love her. You will probably ride this out for as long as you can stand, because that's what people in love do. I respect that because i have done it many times, but its simply naive. Best of luck. You seem like an incredibly decent guy.

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  15. Briana Marie...I don't appreciate your attack on Paul's blog at all. I've talked to him about it and he's only writing to get his thoughts out there. And what the hell is wrong with him trying to "save my life"? Whether or not he's capable... I don't see most of us pulling our heads out of the toilets by ourselves. I also am extremely dissappointed to see you call Anna stupid. That is not supportive in the least.

    abbz...I have NEVER brought my problems to bear on Paul. It is not "doormat behavior." And I KNOW that he is probably going to lose it someday but in the meantime he is coming at this so much differently from any other guy I've heard of...that I HAVE HOPE that someday we'll make it through.

    Paul's writing is going to be constructive and, like Sha Sha said...groundbreaking. Don't bash him on his first post. Give him half a chance for godsake.

    I love you Paul, keep writing.

    ~kat

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  16. I'm not going to try to reason with you. You know the truth in your heart. Enjoy each other. There is nothing sweeter or more painful than young love.

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  17. I think these attacks are very unfair. Keep writing paul. I know i will be reading, because i want to know how this affects my boyfriend. He also wants to read your blog as well and he doesnt even have a blog. This is a nice change.

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  18. i agree with strawberry shortcake. ignore the attacks. We want to hear your perspective, i definately want to know how it affects my boyfriend, and its very natural for you to say you want to save her life. thats what happens. we fall, our loved ones want to catch us.
    keep writing.

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  19. if Brianna Marie doesn't like it, she doesn't have to read your blog, does she! but i guess the whole world is about HER and everyone should play by her rules...

    NOT!!!

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  20. Ignore the haters paul, you're a wonderful guy. All you can do is be her rock.

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  21. Most interesting blog + comments I've read for a while.
    Keep it up.

    And I'm on the "you're a lovely person" side, Paul.

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  22. Like a couple of others on here I follow Kat's blog too. I don't think you can cure Kat. But I had a similar situation, where someone I was dating who I loved very much took a stand with me against the ED (in a very supportive way of course). Their strength did not cure me - but it did actually keep me from getting worse, stopped the downward spiral I was in. Please know that your love and support and actions by writing about this WILL be remembered and MIGHT make a difference - those are not bad odds.

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  23. Paul, thank you for giving us another perspective to this. We don't just hurt ourselves we hurt others. I am glad that she has someone to lean on, nothing is as important as that be it friends, lovers or family. I look forward to more post from you as I do to reading Kat's. Good luck to both.
    And Hint to people, this isn't a lifestyle you choose, its a disorder. It's like other mental aspects or addictions, and having support is the one thing that could mean the difference, so Paul, thank you for providing that again.

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  24. I also do not think you can cure her. But I do think that this blog is a fantastic idea! I am sure you know that it is impossible for you (or anyone else for that matter) to "fix" Kat. It is like a drug addict; we have to be ready to fix ourselves first. But I think it is lovely that you are so supportive and so in love with her that you will not let this scare you away. I know (from my personal experiences) love from others helps you to feel better about yourself and in turn gives self-confidence which then does really help us and will help Kat. I am not sure why people are against you starting up this blog. They are not the rulers of the Internet and as neither of the rest of us are. Please continue blogging. I am extremely interested to hear the other side of this disorder.

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  25. i dont understand how those girls can come on here and bash you when they themselves hate it when someone goes onto their blogs and opposes their opinions, if they dont like to read this then, like every other ana blog, they can just close the page. we come on her to express how we feel going through this and it isnt helpful to try and crush someones blog with negativity.of course im sure those close minded people wont get under your skin but it still pisses me off lol. good luck and keep up the blog.

    meg

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  26. People try to hurt you because they've been hurt before. They are acting out of fear, just like anyone else. Please don't think bad of all of us because of it. Most of us are just scared.

    But if you truly love Kat as much as you seem to, that's what's the most important.

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  27. i don't know which of these comments are directed at me. I do not have an eating disorder. I'm sitting here eating a breakfast sandwich right now and i would be taking a shot in the dark if i tried to tell you the caloric content. As far as I understand, this is not a pro-anorexic blog. It's a blog about someones struggle to love someone with anorexia

    My post was not directed at Kat. It is directed at Paul, who owns this blog. I have been in relationships where people use my strength for their own mental instabilities before, and I was commenting to paul about how that usually turns out. I did not attack him, in fact i was very complimentary and understanding. it is a difficult situation, and one in which you can forget about your own needs, often shirking them for the needs of the other person.

    who are any of you to imply that Paul does not need support or advice? I feel very much for his position. unfortunately it is not the same as yours, and you're not going to like all of the implications.

    Is this a blog about how Paul feels or is this a blog for anorexic girls to find out just how much they hurt the people around them? I'll give you the answer--you hurt them. Alot. This takes a toll on you after a time, how can it not when you are watching someone you love hurt themselves? alot of questions get brought up in your mind, like why would this person be doing this to themselves when i say i love them? do they even care that i love them? i must not be doing anything right because i cannot fix them.

    my suggestion to you paul, is to continue to support your girlfriend (as i know you will, its not really a choice for you anymore, i know), but make sure that you do not forget about yourself in the process. taking on the problems of another person is very taxing if you let it affect you too deeply.

    ultimately you must separate the individual from their disorder. The girl/guy from the ana/mia if you will, and realize that the healthy person inside of them loves you. but the disorder hates you, because you are in competition with it. since you are not in a place to get rid of the disorder, the only thing you can do is continue to support them, and try to get them to seek professional support in the areas you are not qualified to address. you can't get a schizophrenic to stop seeing things without medical intervention. and you cant get an anorexic to make significant and lasting progress without something similar. again, best of luck.

    -abbz

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  28. You cant save anyone, my dear. Do yourself a favor. Help her find some an excellent therapy team. Buy a book on co-dependency for yourself. You will save yourself years of heartbreak and drama. A chick with an eating disorder cant love anyone as much as she loves her own mini-dramas...she is not a bad person, but not capable of loving you fully and completely. She needs help that you can't provide. It isn't your fault and it isn't hers either.

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  29. Good luck, I think you REALLY need it!!!

    She really deserves someone like you!

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  30. awww :)
    the story of how you 2 met is so cute <3
    I lovelovelove that you are blogging about this!
    It's a whole other point of view that us girls with ED's really need to hear out. Help us get outside of ourselves and realize how this is effecting others.
    thank you.
    xxx

    This is my new blog if you want to check it out-
    http://eatingdisorderdepictions.blogspot.com/
    It's basically my way of spreading the idea of using creative therapy to treat ED's. If you check it out- thank you! and kif you like it- follow it :P

    -Becky

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  31. Hi! I was just reading this randomly and don't listen to that silly Brianna Marie or whatever her name is. I think it's wonderful that you've made this blog and are trying to help the person you care about. Also, Brianna is just dumb for saying she 'has to' read this stuff. No, she doesn't. I highly doubt anyone is holding her eyelids open and has a gun pointed to her head forcing her to read it. I think more people need to remember what we were taught in kindergarten, if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all. Best of luck to both you and your girlfriend!

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  32. Please continue, Paul. Briana seems jealous that she doesnt have someone like you in her life. Just my opinion. I would be embarrassed if I had posted even half of her comments. <3

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  33. Happy Holidays! My name is Lisa Hope and I am the assistant editor of Disorder.org. I am contacting you today in hopes of developing a strategic partnership with your website; we have seen your site and think your content is great. Disorder.org is an online gateway for people to find information regarding disorder diagnosis, symptoms, and treatment -- and is continually adding content. More specifically, Disorder.org is starting a campaign to promote awareness about eating disorders of all types. If you're interested in a partnership, please contact me at lisa.disorder.org@gmail.com.

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