Sorry I didn't post anything I know you are all looking forward to what I am going to say.
Before I start I have to say that I thank all of you for commenting on my previous post whether it was good or bad. I really appreciate the criticism but I probably will not let it effect how I write.
Anyways, Tuesday was interesting… I worked with Kat and we talked about the best ways to quit which was interesting we came up with some cool ideas none of which I will be using. At lunch Kat didn't eat I watched as she gathered up all of her belongings and went out in search of jobs. I was fine with that I figured it was going to be one of those days and I mentally prepared myself for the fact that she was not going to eat. I used to let stuff like that eat me up but now I can relax and know that she is trying. Then after a few hours one of our managers spotted an uneaten sandwich and before anyone else could lay claims on it, Kat jumped in and took it. That shocked me I didn't think she was going to eat…
Later on I called Kat, as I normally do, and I asked about the sandwich. She said she had eaten it and then thrown it right back up. My heart dropped. I thought maybe she was going to eat after all. When I first found out she was throwing up, every time she did I would get really upset. Not to her but after we talked. But this time I saw it coming…
I remember one time after work we went for a walk around the plaza waiting for her parents to come pick us up; we hugged for what seemed like an hour it made me sooo happy. Then later on that night, while we were talking, she told me that she had thrown up. My heart felt like it was exploding. How could she do that? We hugged and cuddled each other earlier I thought that might change something… it didn't. Oh well I learned my lesson didn't I. After I talked to her on the phone I cried myself to sleep… I didn't do that much but that time was the hardest.
Anyways, she told me about her walk after work and how she fell. How it terrified her. It sent shivers down my spine… I didn't know what to say. I couldn't be there to help her; I couldn't do anything. She dropped the subject by saying that she did end up eating soup.
Yesterday was ok. Kat ate. She didn't throw up. It made me so proud. We didn't get to see each other like we normally do on Wednesdays because she had an interview and she could not come to our church event. So instead I decided to surprise her on her walk. Not a good idea. First off her walks are time for her to be alone. But she always told me how lonely they made her feel. Second she smoked on those walks. I hadn't seen her smoke before I didn't care too much. I don't really approve of smoking. Third I was not able to stay for long because I was wanted at home. Which understandably made her annoyed because she thought that walk was going to be different. On the plus side I did get to give her a hug. She really likes hugs.
I went to church. Came home and talked to Kat again. She told me how annoyed that made her. I felt really bad for doing that to her. So we will see how today goes when I talked to her on the phone a few hours ago she seemed happy which was good. I hope today is better…
Before I go I wanted to say as far as those posts on me not being able to save her by myself… I know I cannot I have God on my side. Whether you believe in God or not; I don't really care to be quite honest. He is what drives me. That is what I believe in.
Talk to you all soon